Julie Andrews will not be singing "So long, farewell", this year

2016 This year We lost: King (of golf) Prince A Princess, of a far away galaxy A Professor of the Dark Arts A Starman A Candy Man A First Lady A Lovely Lady An Eagle A Fish And A Singing Nun And we mourn Because they entertained us. But we also lost 14 members of the military 138 police officers And 89 firemen And we mourn Because they protected us. But even more importantly a lot of us suffered personal tragedies. And for me, that made this the worst year ever. Yet, there were some Reasons to celebrate Because this year: We found a vaccine for ebola. The United States had it's first woman presidential candidate. Green sea turtles, white tailed deer, grizzly bears, and giant pandas have been taken off the endangered list. For the first time in 100 years, the number of tigers in the wild has increased. Measles has been totally eradicated from the Americas. and The Chicago Cubs won the World Series! Was it the best year? Good God, no! But it wasn't the absolute worst either. Still, I'm glad we can finally say goodbye to 2016. And I DO hope the door hits it on it's ass on the way out.

"Filthydelphia", possessive trash, and poop

So, I went to some Tile Place with a friend on Washington and 15th Street In Philly Got out of the car, And stepped into a sh*t-pile Of everything That every person who Has ever lived in Philly Owns. They just dumped it. There. On the sidewalk Bottles, broken glass, Cups, cigarettes, ketchup packets, Cheetos, plastic bags, a seashell. And I couldn't even handle it. So I did my random act of kindness For today. I went to the Tile Store and asked for a trash bag. He looked at me funny look, But gave it to me. The gloves that I keep in my bag ripped when I put them on. (Always prepared: I still carry them around from my years at Bancroft) So, I went to Dunkin Donuts And asked them for gloves to clean up the trash. The counter workers (not one American), all gathered around me and wanted to know "What trash?" I said the trash in the street. They asked: "What trash in the street?" I said "I don't know, the trash in the street, the trash in the street" Because if you say something twice It has more impact. So they gave me gloves. And I walked around And picked up safe trash. No glass. Nothing that looked like anybody's mouth had been on it. And I filled the bag about halfway. But I stopped when I got To a pile of poop. People poop. Seriously? So I turned around, and brought the bag to the girl who was outside Dunkin Donuts cleaning, and sweeping up the trash around there. I said "Here you go!" She asked what it was. I said "it's trash." She shook her head, she didn't want it. I said, "It's trash, right here, trash from in front of your store, I'm doing your job for you, trash, it's trash." She said no. I smiled, took my gloves off, plopped the bag of trash on top of her sweepy broom thing anyway. Then turned around and left. So if you go to the Dunkin Donuts On Washington Ave Be wary. They're possessive of their trash. They don't want you to pick it up for them. If you do clean it up anyway, don't put it in their dumpsters. And watch out that you don't step in people poop.

They fine people for that???

So I ran into my doctors office In Philly this morning a couple minutes late As usual, And I asked the girl At the front desk, "Hey, do they give tickets to street walkers here?" She looked at me funny and Said, "Yeah, they give them big fines, Like $2,500, and arrest them." I didn't believe her. She said they really did. I told her that was a bunch of crap. And no wonder Aunt Cynthia hated Pennsylvania.cc I said that I'M a street walker. And in New Jersey I've never gotten fined, or arrested. Who the hell wants to park their car. Walk to the corner. Cross at the light. Then come back to the Opposite side of the street Where you parked your car. The girl looked at me and said. "Julie. That's a JAY WALKER"

We need an Autumn runway collection, shoes to keep me safe.

I went outside today and made the mistake of taking one step onto the concrete. And hit a wet leaf. My feet did that air peddling Like I was on an invisible bicycle While my arms were grabbing For anything I could get hold of. Finally, I was able to latch onto the doorjam And fall back into the lobby With minimal damage. Of course I was laughing hysterically because it was funny And I was soaking wet. Why do they have Shoes for rock climbing Boots for walking in mud and puddles Crampons for walking in ice Flip flops for the beach But nothing for walking on wet leaves?

Thank you, Netflix

I know I said I'm taking a break, From social media, but I feel the need to get this out of my system. With the environment the way it is right now, I'm probably going to make some people mad by saying this. But a week from now, on the 25th, there's an event that a lot of us have been waiting for. And I want to say that I hope Netflix doesn't bring Kirk back. To Gilmore Girls. There. I said it. I'm not a fan of Kirk. He added nothing to the show. Other than that. Woo hoo! 8 more days Till we can get cozy again With Lorelai And Rory And all will Feel right with the world. For at least 4 episodes. Thank you, Netflix. #GilmoreGirlsComfort @gilmoregirls #netflixgilmoregirls @netflix

"Trump's America"

I just read a woman's post who said she was in Philly, when she saw a white man get into an altercation with a cab driver. And the white man told the cab driver to "go back where he came from". This woman was upset. And she said "This is how it is, now that we're living in "Trump's America". I know people are upset And scared But to say THAT? "This is how it is, now that we're living in "Trump's America". Is a bunch of crap. Stuff like that Has been happening for years: Since 9/11 Since planes flew into our towers, And our Pentagon. And a loner in Virginia Tech And backpacks in Boston Shooters in too many malls, A loner in Santa Monica college A damn shooter in a nightclub, A loner in a Christian University, And a married couple at a special needs party. Everytime a cab driver gas station attendant Dunkin Donuts owner 7/11 owner rips you off The first thing you hear people say: "Why doesn't he go back where he came from". If everyone starts saying: "This is how it is, now that we're living in "Trump's America". It will perpetuate the media frenzy That Donald Trump is taking this nation to hell. What that lady saw was not a hate crime That was an ignorant, pissed off white man Who would have called the cab driver a rude name, no matter What color, race, or gender he was Regardless of who was elected on Tuesday. Why don't we wait until January And see what Donald Trump does Maybe "Trump's America" will come to mean something positive. But we won't know until then. @trumpsamerica #trumpsamerica

"Yes, we can", "Stronger together", "Make America great again"!

Ugh!!! I'm still seeing bitter posts about the election. At this point who cares? It's over. He won. He actually made a very gracious acceptance speech. He thanked HRC For all her hard work and acknowledged that we owe her a debt of gratitude for all of her service to our country Let's hope this is a new Donald, one we can stand behind to lead our country to greatness. Now that the election's over, can we forget about the Democrats and Republicans and unite again as Americans? We heard from Hillary and Obama today, so why don't we take a little bit from all three of their campaigns? Prove that "Yes, we can", "Stronger together", "Make America great again"! @trump @election2016 #trump2016 #crybabylosers #YesWeCanStrongerTogetherMakeAmericaGreatAgain!

I spent a whole week without listening to, or reading about any news. And it was AMAZING!!!

The world without news, or social media, is a kinder gentler place. Nothing disrupted my life to inform me of the horrors everywhere...... The world was at peace Malls were safe to go to. ISIS didn't exist. There were no police shootings. There were no unruly protests against police. No angry "Black Lives Matters" rallies that turned ugly. There were no pipe bombs exploding in trash cans. No dead baby whales washed up on the beach for no reason. Trump didn't say anything jackassery. Clinton didn't lie. Brad and Angelina were still happy. No sports legends died. Nobody changed the names of holidays because they didn't want to offend anyone else. No little kids went into schools with a gun, intent on killing their classmates. Global warming wasn't a hoax. At the end of the week, I reluctantly turned the news back on. And reality came crashing back in. War Fires Floods Death Destruction Murders Protests Doom Gloom Horror I turned the TV off. And threw the remote away. and them turned around and picked it right out of the trash. because there's always Nickelodeon.

"Impordant", "fustrating" mispronunciations.....

I've noticed that people are pronouncing more and more words incorrectly. I'm not just talking people we know. I've heard it on TV. On the news. People who are supposed to know better. "Impordant" people. People who took the letter "t " out and replaced it with a letter "d". Oldtimers is not the name of Alzheimer's, just because you're old when you get it. Autistic kids are not "Artistic" kids. I've worked with them. Some of them can't even hold a crayon. They usually just eat it. Has Santa Claus ever come down your "chimley"? Because he's only ever come down chimneys in my neighborhood. Supposebly the letter "d" belongs in the word, not a letter b. I took a "pixture". Did you? You took a selfie "pixture"? Was it "bootiful"? Did the "c" from the pixture hang out with the "eau"? This list is making me "Fustrated". I'm gonna stop for a bit. Find the letter "R", and come back with some more gems.......

Jimmies, chocolate sprinkles, and pickle popsicles

I had to go to Walmart the other day. To get a prescription filled. I hate Walmart. The store of the great unwashed. But it's the only place that ever has this one medicine that I need every month. I had to wait half an hour, so I picked up some stuff that I needed. Paper towels, milk, and ice cream. I wanted chocolate jimmies. So I asked the sales lady where I could find them. She didn't speak English, So she didn't know what I meant. Understandable. "Jimmies" is a local word for sprinkles. So I asked again, for "chocolate sprinkles". She took me to whipped cream. I laughed and repeated, "chocolate sprinkles". So she took me to strawberry syrup, So I said "NO - chocolate sprinkles", "chocolate sprinkles" Because if you say it twice, while shaking your head no, it makes it more understandable. This time though, I did pantomime - Shaking sprinkles onto an ice cream cream cone. She finally took me to another sales girl; who also barely spoke English. I asked her for chocolate sprinkles for ice cream, pantomiming it as I asked. She tried to send me to the craft department. I again explained what I wanted. But she told me to go to the craft aisle. So I ended up in the cake decorating aisle. Where the only food was those melting chocolate discs that taste like soapy wax. I walked back to the front of the store And tried the baking needs aisle No luck. I saw another sales girl who sent me way down, to an end row, Where they had a display of ice cream cones. There were no jimmies. I ran into another sales woman and explained that I had been playing Marco Polo all afternoon, Looking for jimmies She spoke English And she understood me. She said: "well, Miss, we don't have everything! We're not a super Walmart!" Makes sense. Of course, I could buy : -a cigarette lighter the size of my arm -a motion detector toilet bowl light that "lights up your toilet with seven ambient colors for those middle of the night trips to the bathroom" -A bacon scented pillow or a -Pickle flavored popsicle. I just couldn't get jimmies.

The inventor of the cheesesteak?

We went to Pat's Cheesesteaks  On Passyunk in Philly.  So I can cross that off  my imaginary bucket list. That I never would have had  listed on there anyway. And it would be an imaginary  cheesesteak that I'd have to cross off. Cause I got a hot dog .

Thumbs up

A couple of weeks ago, my right thumb blew up. No reason for it that I can think of. Just blew up. from my inside palm all the way up to my nail, And now when I bend it, at the knuckle, it clicks. So when it didn't go away after 2 weeks, I went to urgent care. They took x-rays, And found nothing broken. They said I have torn ligaments, and what's called "Game-keepers" thumb. So, with my active life, I've been trying to figure out which game tore my ligaments: - turning the pages on the Kindle - Driving up to see My 85 year old cousin, Betty in long term care at the Masonic Home - Using the stylus on my iPhone - Sleeping in the lounge chair - Playing hide and seeking with the remote, with the cats. I haven't figured it out. I'm afraid if I start worrying about it, the strain of thinking may tear a ligament in some other part of my body. #Phantominjury #nogamekeeperthumb

Answer me honestly. Why do you think I pulled you over? "Honestly"

So when the police pull you over and ask "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Is that a rhetorical question? Do you answer it honestly? Do you list all the things you're doing wrong that he could be giving you a ticket for? "Uh... I didn't have my seat belt on?" "I was texting and driving?" "I was 20 miles over the speed limit?" "My tail light is out?" Are you supposed to do his job for him? Or do you sit there, innocently, and give him Bambi eyes. Widen them as much as possible and drop your jaw a tiny bit, when he tells you the real reason. Oh my gosh, I had no idea that was illegal! I would normally never - Let my 2 year old sit on my lap and steer. Openly drink a 6 pack with the convertible top down. Carry a dead body in my trunk. Fit 6 people in a 2 seater. Smoke a bong. Watch TV from my dashboard dvd player Read and answer emails. Curl my hair. Shave. Change out of my shirt. Thank you so much for the warning, and I can assure you, that it'll never happen again. (Because I'm getting a radar detector.)

Trigger happy: or why Sandy Cheeks caused my blushing cheeks

Sometimes I have problems remembering names. Probably because I don't pay attention. So when it's important, I try to pair the name with something else. As a way to jog my memory. When I had to take my 95 year old, cousin Betty to the Masonic Home to live, I met at least 6 different people who were going to be her caregivers for the rest of her life. I had to pair the names. Some were easy. Carol sitting next to the wreath was obviously "Christmas Carol". When I was having a hard time leaving, Between guilt and my tears, Joan told me to be strong. I thought of her as "Joan of Arc" Betty lived on Nantucket West, so Sandy was "Sandy beach". And so on... The only flaw in my plan was the receptionist. whose name was also Sandy. I couldn't come up with a trigger to jog my memory. Finally, I thought of Sandy Cheewhat. Sponge Bob's best friend. A squirrel. Nickelodeon is on when I leave the house, and 9 times out of 10, Sponge Bob is on. I figured perfect. Sandy Cheeks was the last thing I saw when I left the house, And the first thing I saw when I got to the Masonic Home. I just had to remember Sandy Cheeks. Sandy Cheeks. Sandy Cheeks. 3 days later, I was proud of myself for remembering Who she was. As I repeated it to myself, to guarantee no slip ups, Sandy Cheeks, Sandy Cheeks, Sandy Cheeks. I walked in the front door, got to the receptionist, And said "Hey, Squirrel!"

This cat kills me. He's able to knock over A 32" flat screen TV Shatter the screen And render it useless But I point out to him, A 1 inch long centipede, He runs over And roughs it up, And about 7 legs fall off.

It's none of my business, but God's business is perfect today......

A full moon, on the longest day of the year. If I was on the beach it would be a trifecta of my favorite things, the best of God's business.

It will ALWAYS be "Me before You" because I'm disabled, and you forgot my minority

In the winter, I read the book " Me before You", and I loved it.
I couldn't wait for it to come to the theatres.
I still haven't seen it, but I just read, (without giving anything away)
that people are making all kinds of a stink about it.

People with disabilities
think that they are being portrayed in a negative light,
and not all of them feel that a disability is the end of the world.

Black people have gotten angry,
feeling that there aren't enough black people being portrayed as disabled, so they started  #disabilatytoowhite

And trans people think they don't see enough trans people
with disabilities in the movies.

Well, I don't think they have enough blonde-haired women.
Recovering from a broken back,
and a mastectomy,
with disabilities in movies.

But I'm not gonna make a stink about it.

Cause I realize it's a movie.

That was made into a screenplay.

From a book.

Written by an author.

Who chose to wrote about two non-American, non-black, non trans, non-blondes, with no breast cancer, or no broken backs.

Because that was her choice.

#selfishminorities  #itsalwayswhataboutme #blamehollywood

Salty tears and Cape May diamonds

On cloudy days down the shore,
Aunt Cynthia would take us
to see the banner planes take off
or to collect Cape May diamonds.

Denise's Ralphie, is on this mission
to find quartz on beach rocks.
So last night I took him
To Sunset Beach
To find Cape May diamonds.

It ended up being a nice
coincidental tribute
To Aunt Cynthia
on her birthday.

We sat on the beach
In the dark, after sunset
And froze
Hunting for Cape May diamonds
But we did get one
At the souvenir store

So today, after Cape May
diamond hunting,
I picture her riding waves
And walking on the beach

And I raise a birthday
Margarita Toast
Covered in salty tears
To the original Jersey Girl

#JerseyGirl #Margaritaville

You're never fully dressed without a hug

Karla doesn't ever meet strangers.
Everyone is a friend
and gets a hug from her
upon introduction.

I've always admired this quality,
so I started doing it myself.
And its made me a happier,
friendlier, person.
With a wider outer circle of friends.

Yesterday I met an old man,
who is a good friend of my friend, John,
I went up to the old man, and
gave him a big hug, and said
"I'm so happy to finally meet you,
John's been talking about you forever!"

Yeah. I wore his b.o. all day.

#stinkyfriends #gagginghugs

Golden slumbers

My whole life,
sleep and I,
have had a tempestuous
relationship.

I have insomnia
And can easily go
For 3 days
Without sleeping.

or I fall asleep
And it takes
An atomic bomb
next to my face
to wake me up.

Now, when I have to wake up,
I literally have
4 iPhone alarms,
set 4 minutes apart,
my clock radio
on full blast,
and Karla,
Bless her heart,
calls me until
I answer the phone.
OR
A lot of times i
sleep through all of it.

When I had my first job,
and my parents had already
left for work,
it was up to me
to wake up on my own

My father
had one of his work buddies
call me every day,
and tell me jokes
until I was awake
enough to laugh.

I think the only times
I ever,
Ever!!!
wake up
on the first
alarm,
are when it's snowing,
or when I'm going to the beach
Priorities.

For some reason
recently,
My sleeping prowess
has risen
To Olympic gold medal levels

Sure.
I had that time
A couple of years ago
When I decided
One afternoon,
around 1:30
After working at the pre-school,
to drive up to
The Polo store
At those outlets
At Franklin Mills mall

It was nice weather
Probably 75°,
So I had my top down.
But I sat in traffic on
I95 for almost an hour.

By the time I got to the mall
I was hot,
and exhausted.
I knew I'd never
Be able to make the drive home
safely,
Because I was so tired

So, before I went into the mall,
Around 2:30,
I stayed in the car,
With the top down,
and closed my eyes.

Then I heard a bunch
of people talking loudly
To the police.
Right next to me

And I was annoyed.
Because I knew
they could see that I was
sleeping.
So I opened my eyes
To give them a dirty look

And it was almost dark out.

They were talking to the police.
because they saw me sleeping
In my car.
When they went in to the mall.
5 hours before.
And I hadn't moved.

So they thought I was dead.

"Ladies and gentlemen
It's my pleasure to announce
The Olympic winner of this year's
Golden Slumbers award goes to..."

#goldenslumbers #z

all kinds of grieving

My Aunt Cynthia died two months ago.

I'm not sobbing hysterically everyday anymore, but I still get the wobbly voice a lot.

I thought about this and it reminded me of this conversation I had.

My best friend, Denise's cat died a couple of months ago.

When I heard about it, I called the house to check up on her.

Her son, Ralphie, who's 12, answered.

I said "Oh honey, I'm so sorry about the cat, I know you loved her very much ".

He said to me "It's ok, Aunt Julie. I cried a lot about an hour ago. But I'm almost through all of the stages of grief already".

+Grief Relief Ministries #nephew #withlove