Monday, January 26, 2015

Inter-uterine explosive device

For some reason I kept calling an IED (incendiary explosive device) an inter-uterine explosive device.

Till I realized I was confusing, and combining IED and IUD. 

But then I realized that my version of IED was perfect for a woman in labor. 

"Dr. Smith, we've got a woman with an IED on her way in. She said she felt it start to rumble around 3 hours ago" 

"Thanks, I'll be there in an hour. Since this is her first, tell her not to expect it to blow for another 12-20 hours."

"Ok doctor, can you check on the Thompson baby when you get in? Those premature IEDs always worry me. They may make a quiet entrance but they leave a big hole in the parents heart until they're healthy."

"Sure, Hey!!! How about the head on that baby last night! Talk about an IED! That baby ripped a hole in that poor mom; you could see her throat."
When I get pregnant, I'm hoping they'll have come up with a better solution to the IED.

Maybe feeding the mom in labor a lot of cod liver oil, so he just slips out. 

Or maybe some in-utero yoga, so the baby's able to gently fold himself into a position that he just bends through the pelvis.
Yeah, the IED part's nothing to look forward to, but, no matter how they get here, they're worth the blast.

#ied #ied #pregnant #gethimoutofthere #ohmygodshesgonnablow 

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