My mom's better than your mom

My mom is the only person in the history of Apple iPhone who doesn't have the "messages" "photo" or "camera" apps. "Julie, I've looked everywhere, and they are not on my phone. They're just not there. Can't you remote in somehow, and look at my phone?" I had to help my Dad get on the boat when he went Parasailing, so I gave my mom a quick lesson on my Nikon so she could take pictures while he was up there. When we got back, I looked at the pictures she had taken. 37 up close personal pictures of sand crystals. The ocean. The sky. The bathing suit of woman next to her. The hat of the woman next to her. Her beach chair. Her beach towel. Her own eyeballs. A bunch of blurry pictures that may have been my dad in the air, and 3 perfect pictures of my Dad after the ride when he was seasick. But my mom is the person you call at 3 in the morning when you're sad and just want to talk. She may not remember the conversation in the morning, but she gets you through the rough times. She's the person who flew up here Mother's Day weekend, the year after Mrs Miller died, so that she could walk in the Race For The Cure, in honor of her. My mom is the person (and my Dad) who has all of us kids, (who are in our 40's, 50's and 60's (almost)) fighting over who is the favorite child. Literally. We have text arguments over who's the favorite. My mom is the person I call with every bit of news, no matter how big or small. She's a survivor, she's a warrior, she's my best friend, she's who I want to be when I grow up. Happy Mother's Day to the best Mom on earth. #mothersday2017

Shattered McDreamy's

I stopped in Cooper Hospital to visit a friend's mother and, while I was in the elevator I noticed two young girls wearing white coats with stitching on them that said they were "intern" and "resident". So, being a huge fan of Grey's Anatomy, I had to ask. And I found out that: - No, the elevators are never used as floating sex chambers. - No, the residents and interns don't have time to jump in bed every couple of hours, lounging around between important cases. - No, they don't switch sex partners every couple of weeks. - No, there aren't as many cases of people with worms as Shonda Rhimes would like you to think. - Yes, a lot of the cases they've shown, have happened before. - And- - No, no one in Cooper Hospital has ever seen a "penis fish". @greysanatomy @shondarhimes #shatteredmcdreamy

Name calling

I've observed that people are so involved in their phones, that no one takes the time to pay attention to anyone around them. Service people, cashiers, waitresses. all go unnoticed, unless they're needed. So I go out of my way to acknowledge them all. I look for name tags and address everyone by name. When I say hello, ask how their day is, or tell them to have a great night, I always use a name. When I at the airport, leaving my parents in S.C., the other day, the TSA agent's name was Myr. So, I said "Thanks, Myr." and he raised an eyebrow at me. I pointed at his name tag. He looked down and started laughing. Hysterically. While he was laughing, I was mentally running through the men's names that "Myr" could be short for. I know a woman could be "Myrna". He was still laughing, great big guffaws, and now, tugging on the lady TSA agent next to him, who looked at me and burst into laughter. I was still running through names in my head when it hit me. So I turned around and looked at her name tag and it was "Myr" also I was looking at the airport codes. For "Myrtle Beach"'. (They said that I made their day)

It's of utmost impotence

When I had my first spinal surgery in 1999, a screw broke. And landed on a nerve in my lower spine Forever crushing the nerve. They had to go in and "re-visit" the area, replace the broken screw and start fresh. Unfortunately the nerve was unable to properly regenerate. I have mobility But I have hot foot. And I mean HOT FOOT! Someone holding a blow torch on it 24/7 unable to walk, move, sit, stand, HOT FOOT. We're able to control the pain with meds that I'll be on for life. Last week 18 years later, I started having pins and needles Again in the foot So, I was explaining to my pain management physician that the only solution my original surgeon came up with, other than medicine, was to cut the nerve. But the drawback was The possibility of my being impotent. And he looked at me. And said that couldn't happen. And I said "You don't know me, If there's the possibly of anything happening. It will." And he said "Julie, girls don't get impotent". I said "Look at me. If anyone in the world had to wear a diaper after this surgery, it would be me" And he said, "Oh, Julie. You mean incontinent".

She turned our world on with her smile.......

40 years ago,  Mary Tyler Moore  lived at my house. Every week, she, Murray,  Ted, and Mr. Grant  came into our living room  and made us laugh  for a full half hour.  Some weeks  Rhoda, Phyllis, Sue Ann  or Georgette were there,  but Mary was the main character  And we loved her. She was a quiet feminist  who produced the news,  in a time period when it was a  job usually reserved for men  She was a serial dater, who threw awful parties,  and we laughed every week. A couple of weeks ago,  I pulled the Mary Tyler Moore show up, on streaming service. And my mom, dad, and I started watching it again  And it's still relevant  And still just as funny.  Even more special,  She resembled my Aunt Cynthia. who was also single And a quiet feminist  Working at a job  usually reserved for men. When we had Aunt Cynthia's memorial  The song we played  to start the service  was the Mary Tyler Moore theme song,  "After All" by Sonny Curtis When we heard today,  that Mary Tyler Moore died   My sisters texted that  Aunt Cynthia can meet her,  and, that they can have a good  laugh together in heaven. Thank you, Mary Tyler Moore  For making us laugh, And for bringing my family together, in so many ways. You did make it after all.  
 
 
(Aunt Cynthia, when she finally got to Minneapolis, in the classic Mary Tyler Moore "throw the hat in the air" pose). 
 #marytylermoore @marytylermoore #mrgrant 


Julie Andrews will not be singing "So long, farewell", this year

2016 This year We lost: King (of golf) Prince A Princess, of a far away galaxy A Professor of the Dark Arts A Starman A Candy Man A First Lady A Lovely Lady An Eagle A Fish And A Singing Nun And we mourn Because they entertained us. But we also lost 14 members of the military 138 police officers And 89 firemen And we mourn Because they protected us. But even more importantly a lot of us suffered personal tragedies. And for me, that made this the worst year ever. Yet, there were some Reasons to celebrate Because this year: We found a vaccine for ebola. The United States had it's first woman presidential candidate. Green sea turtles, white tailed deer, grizzly bears, and giant pandas have been taken off the endangered list. For the first time in 100 years, the number of tigers in the wild has increased. Measles has been totally eradicated from the Americas. and The Chicago Cubs won the World Series! Was it the best year? Good God, no! But it wasn't the absolute worst either. Still, I'm glad we can finally say goodbye to 2016. And I DO hope the door hits it on it's ass on the way out.

"Filthydelphia", possessive trash, and poop

So, I went to some Tile Place with a friend on Washington and 15th Street In Philly Got out of the car, And stepped into a sh*t-pile Of everything That every person who Has ever lived in Philly Owns. They just dumped it. There. On the sidewalk Bottles, broken glass, Cups, cigarettes, ketchup packets, Cheetos, plastic bags, a seashell. And I couldn't even handle it. So I did my random act of kindness For today. I went to the Tile Store and asked for a trash bag. He looked at me funny look, But gave it to me. The gloves that I keep in my bag ripped when I put them on. (Always prepared: I still carry them around from my years at Bancroft) So, I went to Dunkin Donuts And asked them for gloves to clean up the trash. The counter workers (not one American), all gathered around me and wanted to know "What trash?" I said the trash in the street. They asked: "What trash in the street?" I said "I don't know, the trash in the street, the trash in the street" Because if you say something twice It has more impact. So they gave me gloves. And I walked around And picked up safe trash. No glass. Nothing that looked like anybody's mouth had been on it. And I filled the bag about halfway. But I stopped when I got To a pile of poop. People poop. Seriously? So I turned around, and brought the bag to the girl who was outside Dunkin Donuts cleaning, and sweeping up the trash around there. I said "Here you go!" She asked what it was. I said "it's trash." She shook her head, she didn't want it. I said, "It's trash, right here, trash from in front of your store, I'm doing your job for you, trash, it's trash." She said no. I smiled, took my gloves off, plopped the bag of trash on top of her sweepy broom thing anyway. Then turned around and left. So if you go to the Dunkin Donuts On Washington Ave Be wary. They're possessive of their trash. They don't want you to pick it up for them. If you do clean it up anyway, don't put it in their dumpsters. And watch out that you don't step in people poop.