I spent a whole week without listening to, or reading about any news. And it was AMAZING!!!

The world without news, or social media, is a kinder gentler place. Nothing disrupted my life to inform me of the horrors everywhere...... The world was at peace Malls were safe to go to. ISIS didn't exist. There were no police shootings. There were no unruly protests against police. No angry "Black Lives Matters" rallies that turned ugly. There were no pipe bombs exploding in trash cans. No dead baby whales washed up on the beach for no reason. Trump didn't say anything jackassery. Clinton didn't lie. Brad and Angelina were still happy. No sports legends died. Nobody changed the names of holidays because they didn't want to offend anyone else. No little kids went into schools with a gun, intent on killing their classmates. Global warming wasn't a hoax. At the end of the week, I reluctantly turned the news back on. And reality came crashing back in. War Fires Floods Death Destruction Murders Protests Doom Gloom Horror I turned the TV off. And threw the remote away. and them turned around and picked it right out of the trash. because there's always Nickelodeon.

"Impordant", "fustrating" mispronunciations.....

I've noticed that people are pronouncing more and more words incorrectly. I'm not just talking people we know. I've heard it on TV. On the news. People who are supposed to know better. "Impordant" people. People who took the letter "t " out and replaced it with a letter "d". Oldtimers is not the name of Alzheimer's, just because you're old when you get it. Autistic kids are not "Artistic" kids. I've worked with them. Some of them can't even hold a crayon. They usually just eat it. Has Santa Claus ever come down your "chimley"? Because he's only ever come down chimneys in my neighborhood. Supposebly the letter "d" belongs in the word, not a letter b. I took a "pixture". Did you? You took a selfie "pixture"? Was it "bootiful"? Did the "c" from the pixture hang out with the "eau"? This list is making me "Fustrated". I'm gonna stop for a bit. Find the letter "R", and come back with some more gems.......

Jimmies, chocolate sprinkles, and pickle popsicles

I had to go to Walmart the other day. To get a prescription filled. I hate Walmart. The store of the great unwashed. But it's the only place that ever has this one medicine that I need every month. I had to wait half an hour, so I picked up some stuff that I needed. Paper towels, milk, and ice cream. I wanted chocolate jimmies. So I asked the sales lady where I could find them. She didn't speak English, So she didn't know what I meant. Understandable. "Jimmies" is a local word for sprinkles. So I asked again, for "chocolate sprinkles". She took me to whipped cream. I laughed and repeated, "chocolate sprinkles". So she took me to strawberry syrup, So I said "NO - chocolate sprinkles", "chocolate sprinkles" Because if you say it twice, while shaking your head no, it makes it more understandable. This time though, I did pantomime - Shaking sprinkles onto an ice cream cream cone. She finally took me to another sales girl; who also barely spoke English. I asked her for chocolate sprinkles for ice cream, pantomiming it as I asked. She tried to send me to the craft department. I again explained what I wanted. But she told me to go to the craft aisle. So I ended up in the cake decorating aisle. Where the only food was those melting chocolate discs that taste like soapy wax. I walked back to the front of the store And tried the baking needs aisle No luck. I saw another sales girl who sent me way down, to an end row, Where they had a display of ice cream cones. There were no jimmies. I ran into another sales woman and explained that I had been playing Marco Polo all afternoon, Looking for jimmies She spoke English And she understood me. She said: "well, Miss, we don't have everything! We're not a super Walmart!" Makes sense. Of course, I could buy : -a cigarette lighter the size of my arm -a motion detector toilet bowl light that "lights up your toilet with seven ambient colors for those middle of the night trips to the bathroom" -A bacon scented pillow or a -Pickle flavored popsicle. I just couldn't get jimmies.