A snake's a snake, right?

A snake's a snake

Right?

I didn't expect my dad to kill it.

just to make sure it wasn't gonna come after me.

I mean, it did that whole sidewinding, sliding along the ground, away from me trick

And I yelled at him to keep moving.

Then he did the cobra head in the air.

I guess trying to hypnotize me

So I took a picture of it 

And ran in to ask my mom and dad if it was poisonous

But who can tell from a picture?

So I went back out and got closer.

Cause the snake hadn't moved.

but I wanted to know if I should be afraid of him.

So I snapped a couple more pictures from different angles.

And ran back into prove that yu-huh-

It was a snake.

And should I be scared

and would it bite me and was it poisonous?

And finally my dad got up.

And grabbed tongs. My Mom's. 

That she uses to flip hamburgers with.

and he went out to see the snake. 

And poke the snake. 

And flip it over. 

While I yelled through a 1 inch crack in the door: 

don't let it bite you! 

watch his head! 

don't flip him out where he's just gonna slither back and get me!

Then watched in horror as he smushed and squished him into the cement. 

And left it there. 

"Swish it into the grass" I yelled!

but he wanted to leave it so he could identify it in the morning. 

Meanwhile I have to look at this snake carcass every time I go outside till the morning. 

And worry that the mother is gonna come looking for me to fang me. 

But a snake's a snake. Right?

Even if its only 4 inches long.

#snakes #cottonmouth #rattlesnake #boa constrictor #overimagination

Does your cat do this? Cat behaviours defined!

The "Ice Dancer" - When you return home, the cat winds between your legs in a figure eight, for 5 minutes straight.

The "Hulk Hogan" - When the cat is insistent on body slamming into you, to get attention, but mostly to attain food.

The "How Dare You!"- The unexpected slap you get when you walk by your cat, who's sitting at a height close enough to slap you in the face.

The "Button Face"- When the cat is insistent upon giving you the backwards view of his body, so you end up staring at his tail, with his butt in your face.

The "Screen Protector" - The ability of a cat to sense when you're working on the computer, thereby ensuring he'll walk back and forth, then plop right in front of the monitor.

The "Screaming Mimi" - The loud wailing a cat makes between the time you open the can of cat food and, the 45 seconds it takes for you to put it in his bowl to serve him.

The "Backup and Sniff" - The attitude the cat pulls when he decides he doesn't want the cat food you've given him, even though he loved it 2 hours earlier.

The "Electric Blanket" - When your cat lays on top of you, covering every inch of your body, no matter the weather, purring so loudly in your ear, you can't sleep.

The "Pizza Maker" - Those fun times when your cat finds the most sensitive spot on your body and kneads you for 3 hours, showing his affection by drawing blood.

The "Tootsie Pop" - How many licks does it take a cat to finish grooming its fur? A million and three apparently.

The "Norman Bates" - That eerie feeling you get that someone's watching you while taking a shower, only to have the shower curtain come flying in as the cat plays between the curtain and liner. Causing you to jump, and the cat to peek his head in to see why you're interrupting playtime.

"Santa's helper" - The ability that every cat has, to hear you wrapping a gift, and time it, so that just as you're finishing, he jumps on top and shreds the paper to bits.

The "Magicians Assistant"- The trick a cat does, where he's able to fold himself up into a size so tiny, you can never find him. Until you pull out a shot glass and he peeks up at you.

#cat #kitten #furball #cat tricks #haughtycats #catsruledogsdrool #catattitude #thetruthaboutcats
#stucktoyoulikeglue #catsarethebest #catsrulethehouse #catsruletheworld #ifpeopleactedlikecats

 

Broke my first New Years resolution already

I made the New Years resolution 

"I'm not going to curse anymore" while driving over the Walt Whitman bridge at rush hour.

I didn't even have the thought fully formed in my head when I broke the resolution.




#cursing #new years resolutions #philadelphia #too much traffic

Just brush my cheek

just brush my cheek 

I have this one eyelash that is hanging straight down in front of my eye, and nothing I do will help move it back up where it belongs: with its friends.

I tried a small amount of hairspray. which ended up with all my eyelashes clumped together, except that one. It still hung down. And my eyeball stung.

I thought about a tiny bit of glue on a toothpick but nixed that idea cause I could see me explaining to the doctor why I had a toothpick hanging from my eyelid. 

I thought about cutting it but scissors and my shaky hands, I'd pop my eyeball and end up like Sammy Davis, Jr. 

You know how in meet-cute movies, there's always the scene where the guy finds an eyelash on the girl's cheek and he takes it gently off and tells her to make a wish?

I tried pulling the eyelash out but it clung too hard. I had my eyelid pulled so far out and down, that I could have licked it. 

I guess I'm gonna have to wait for it to fall out.

And have someone gently brush it off my cheek.

#meet-cute #juice newton # eyelash problems

Things I have actually said to my cats

Things I actually have said to my cats: Jake, Cullen, and Eminem

You picked the food, you're gonna eat it!

I like the way you're sitting quietly!

Good job keeping your food in the bowl!

Nobody thinks you're funny!

You have until the count of three, one, two... Good choice!

If you scratch that chair one more time, you're gonna find yourself without any treats....

You were given a direction, now get off that counter RIGHT NOW!

Aww, you're so snuggly! WAIT! Don't you dare sneeze in my face....Damn it Eminem! Go get me a tissue! 

Don't lay like that with all your pointy parts sticking up in the air: you're like a cactus with fur.

Don't slam against me for loving, and then swipe at me when I pet you. I'll swipe you back, I swear I will.

You need a quiet mouth. Meowing at me isn't going to get your food any sooner. 

Everybody needs to stop meowing at me!

#cats #kittens #furballs

The aCATamy Awards

The aCATamy award for director of Best Motion Picture "Silent Killer" goes to Cullen. Deciding the apartment was too cold, she tried to heat it up by lighting a burner, only she didn't get the flame going. 2 hours later, as I was heading to bed, I smelled the gas and called the maintenance man, who came and showed me how she tried to help. The kitchen is now a knob-free zone. 

The aCATamy award for lead role in "Off the Hook" goes to Eminem for realizing that I needed a day of rest, so she knocked the phone off the hook, thus giving me two full days without interruptions.

The aCATamy award for supporting role in "Over-Caffeinated" goes to Jake for believing I was too jittery, so he turned the coffee pot off mid-brew.

The aCATamy award for Best Picture, starring the Feline-American trio, Jacob Marley, Cullen Farley and Eminem (Miracle Marley), for their portrayal of innocence in "Don't Make Eye Contact", when I found my iPad on the floor with a shattered screen. 

The aCATamy award for Sound Editing goes to Cullen for her role in "Pump up the Volume". Her ability to time her jumps, which turn the radio on full volume, just as I'm falling asleep, leave no doubt as to why she's earned this award.

#cats

#kittens
#Academy awards
#furballs

The Brits got it right on this one....

I prefer the British spelling of certain words; favour, honour, behaviour, etc..

Well, I had a professor at West Chester who corrected me every single time I spelled any word that way. She never took points off, just wrote "Julie, that's the British spelling". So, of course after that, I owned it.

I had a child development class with her, so you can imagine how many times, per paper, I wrote "behaviour", and how many times she wrote  "Julie, that's the British spelling".

Back then, in the olden days; 1992, I was using a typewriter/word processor, so the spell check wasn't that great.

I misspelled the word "muscles" and it came out "muskles".

This time, I got a note back "Julie, that's the Popeye spelling".

#popeye #british spelling # honour # favour #behaviour #muskles